


Blur

by Kkane88



Series: Blur [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Coming Out, First Kiss, Jealousy, M/M, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 06:40:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kkane88/pseuds/Kkane88
Summary: Patrick's in love with Jonny, but he can't have him. He decides to go home with Kesler. (He doesn't).
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane/Ryan Kesler
Series: Blur [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728211
Comments: 8
Kudos: 154





	Blur

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short, unedited minific based on [this gif](https://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb557yevAG1r41emlo1_500.gifv).  
> Dedicated to my friends who let me talk about Kesler for half an hour.

Patrick knows he shouldn't do it. He'd _agreed_ to it… he and Kesler have been dancing around each other for long enough, and Patrick's _curious._ The way Kesler looks at Patrick, his eyes the same color as Jonny's, Patrick just… wants to know. It's not about Kesler, not really. He just wants to know what it's like to have a man's hands on him.

He always thought there was something wrong with him, never being as interested in girls as his teammates had been, and then he'd met Jonny and…

Well.

Jonny likes to touch him. _Constantly_. Patrick's so used to the warm weight of him- the arm around his shoulder, the chest against his back- that he expects it. Misses it when it's gone. And then he wakes up one morning and _realizes_.

He's been in love with Jonny for years.

And there's not a single thing he can do about it.

Patrick's never been with a man, and there's not a single chance in hell that he can have Jonny, so when Kesler asks him to come to his place after the game in Vancouver…

Patrick says yes.

He says yes and then he has to walk into the locker room and look Jonny in the face knowing that he's going to go home with Kesler and think about Jonny the whole time.

He's going to be sick.

The game's a disaster. They're tied going into the third period and then they just fall apart. Vancouver takes the lead and nothing they do is working and Kesler's saying things to Jonny that have him coming back to the bench looking _pissed_ and Patrick's just trying not to look either of them in the eye.

Vancouver scores again with just over two minutes left in the game and Jonny's been on the ice for all three goals against and he comes back to the bench and starts shouting and Patrick shouts back because that's what they _do._ He doesn't even know what he's saying, just knows that Jonny needs this and he'll do what he can to give it to him.

He and Jonny are both on the ice before the next play starts and Kesler slides up behind him.

"What's your boy yelling at you for?" he asks so low that only Patrick can hear. Patrick's fists clench. "You know I'd never treat you like that." Patrick doesn't respond, just gets into position as Kesler moves into the faceoff dot. Jonny looks like he's trying to murder Kesler with his eyes.

And then Hansen scores on the empty net. And it's over. Patrick waits in a daze for the celebrating to stop so they can get this handshake line over with. And then he remembers what exactly he's supposed to be doing after the game and he wants this moment to never end. His eyes shoot to Jonny, just one person between him and Patrick, and Patrick wants to go to him, to tell him the truth, to ask him if he'll take Patrick for just one night so he doesn't have to go with _Kesler_.

But he doesn't. He can't. He just watches as Kesler gets closer and closer and then suddenly he's right there.

"I'll text you my address?" Kesler asks, not even trying to be quiet. Jonny turns so fast he almost falls and locks eyes with Patrick. He looks _furious_ and Patrick's _no_ slips out before he thinks about it, eyes locking onto the back of Stalberg's jersey as he shoves Jonny forward.

He's so grateful now that they have separate hotel rooms.

He locks the conjoining door between their rooms and he knows it's so obvious, that if Jonny didn't know something was up before then he will now, but Patrick just _can't._ He needs the extra protection, the extra wall between them, because he still hasn't thought of what to tell Jonny to cover this up and he knows Jonny's going to ask for an explanation.

Jonny's always treated Patrick as _his. His_ teammate. _His_ liney. _His_ friend. He's very possessive of the things he thinks belong to him.

Patrick belongs to him. More than Jonny realizes.

When the knock comes, Patrick's expecting it. He thinks about ignoring it. Jonny knocks again, louder and angrier, and the longer Patrick waits the worse this is going to be.

He gets up, unlocks the door, opens it, stares at Jonny's forehead so he doesn't have to look him in the eyes.

"What was that?" Jonny asks, low and intense, leaning closer and forcing Patrick to look at him.

"Nothing." It wasn't nothing. It was a defining moment of Patrick's life that's slipped away and now he'll never know what it was.

"Bullshit. Why is Kesler texting you his address?" Jonny steps closer, forcing Patrick to back up so Jonny can step into the room and close the door behind him.

"He's not." That's the truth, at least. He'd said no. But Patrick's phone chooses that moment to chime on the bed and Jonny's eyes go even darker. He's stepping over and reaching for the phone before Patrick even thinks to stop him. He unlocks it- the passcode's 1988 because Patrick's not subtle- and he goes still.

"'Just in case you change your mind'," Jonny growls, raising his head to look Patrick in the eye. "Patrick, why the _fuck_ are you going to Kesler's?"

"I'm not," he says, slow and quiet, hoping Jonny will believe him and just _go_. It doesn't work, of course. Jonny doesn't respond, just stares Patrick down, and Patrick _hates_ that this is working, that he's two seconds away from blurting out the truth. He tries desperately to think of something to say that isn't _'I love you'_ but what comes out instead is, "He was going to fuck me."

That's worse. That's _so much_ worse. Jonny freezes, eyes going wide with shock and his mouth dropping open. Patrick wants the ground to open up and swallow him. Jonny _hates_ Kesler, has always hated him, and not only has Patrick just told him that he was going to have sex with a man, but that he was going to have sex with the man Jonny hates most in the world.

He refuses to say anything else so he doesn't make it worse. He drops his eyes to the floor and waits.

It feels like hours but it's probably only minutes before Jonny speaks.

"Why Kesler?" That's not at all what Patrick expected. Jonny's voice is soft and out of the corner of his eye, Patrick sees him step closer. "If you wanted to have sex with someone, a man, why Kesler?"

"Because he wanted me." Patrick figures if he's going to be vulnerable here, he might as well go for broke, so he adds, "and you didn't." Jonny steps closer and closer until he's right in front of Patrick, breathing the same air, and he tilts Patrick's head back to look at him.

"What makes you think that?" Patrick loses all thought and feeling at the _look_ in Jonny's eyes. "You never even asked." And then Jonny's kissing him, licking into Patrick's mouth like he's got something to prove, like he's trying to stake his claim. Patrick's knees go weak and he has to grab onto Jonny's shoulders just to stay on his feet, and Jonny's arms wrap around his waist and pull him closer. It's even more than Patrick expected, it's _so much_ , and he should've known Jonny's intensity would transfer over here but he had no idea.

Patrick pulls his mouth away, just for a second, just to catch his breath, and whispers, "Jonny."

"Kesler doesn't touch you," Jonny growls, sucking bruising kisses in a line down Patrick's throat. "No one touches you but me." Patrick would agree to _anything_ right now as long as Jonny doesn't stop, doesn't _want_ anyone else's hands on him.

"Jonny," Patrick groans again, pulling back to take Jonny's face in his hands. This is so important, Jonny needs to know before anything else happens. He waits until Jonny's stopped tugging at his clothes and looks Patrick in the eye. "I love you."

Jonny's face _changes_. His eyes soften, his hands become gentle on Patrick's skin, and he breathes out an _oh_.

"Pat, I… I love you, too," he says, leaning back in to kiss him. It's sweeter this time; the biting, claiming edge is still there, but this time it carries a promise. And when Jonny starts guiding him to the bed, pulling clothes off as they go, Patrick's not afraid.

**Author's Note:**

> The response has been so amazing already, that I'm planning the next one: an AU where Patrick does go home with Kesler. Thanks everyone for your kind comments and kudos!
> 
> Find me on tumblr:  
> [kkane88](https://kkane88.tumblr.com/)  
> [kwriteshockey](https://kwriteshockey.tumblr.com//)


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